Heartfelt Listening

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listen, Meg Wheatley, silence, The Sophia Center for Spirituality, Turning To One Another

Lately I’ve been noticing – and reading about – a lot of unfortunate trends in the ways that people speak to each other these days. It seems more like a contest than anything else and people are quick to pull a gun or call a lawyer to sue for defamation of character. On television, panel “discussions” devolve quickly into shouting matches or five people talking over each other in louder and louder voices to get their points across.

All of this reminded me of a moment at our book study session on Wednesday evening this past week. When Cheryl asked for comments on a section of the chapter we read, there was a protracted silence, long enough for me to feel the need to say something like: “Didn’t anything strike you? Anybody???” which elicited a rousing chorus of “We’re just thinking!…It’s so deep and meaningful…” I was immediately chastened and, at the same moment, grateful for the depth of sharing that was so common in this group.

Meg Wheatley has something to say on this topic. On a page from her book, turning to one another in answer to her own question, “When have I experienced good listening?” she writes the following:

One of the easiest human acts is also the most healing. Listening to someone. Simply listening. Not advising or coaching, but silently and fully listening…it has something to do with the fact that listening creates relationships. We know from science that nothing in the universe exists as an isolated or independent entity. Everything takes form from relationships, be it subatomic particles sharing energy or ecosystems sharing food. In the web of life, nothing lives alone. (p. 88-89)

I’ll try to remember that…

What Does Greatness Mean?

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Bill McKibben, collaboration, competition, cooperation, Meg Wheatley, partnering, smaller, The Sophia Center for Spirituality, trials, Turning To One Another

Chief Seattle had it right when he spoke about the web of life of which we are all part – not creators but just a part. Meg Wheatley speaks of the competitive world of Western culture in similar fashion. Here’s what I read this morning that strengthens my conviction that collaboration is what we need now.

One of the biggest flaws in our approach to life is the Western belief that competition creates strong and healthy systems. Television screens are filled with images of animals locking horns in battle or ripping apart their prey. It is true that in any living system there are predators and prey, death and destruction. But competition among individuals and species is not the dominant way life works. It is always cooperation that increases over time in a living system. Life becomes stronger and more capable through systems of collaboration and partnering, not through competition.

It helps to read the entire essay about relationship with the earth in which Wheatley makes her argument (turning to one another, pp. 102-111) but the above paragraph is enough to get me thinking of all the bad results of excessive competition in business, sports and the relationships of daily life in our time. In situations of trial (like the present weather systems’ destruction and mass shootings) it is the cooperation of neighbors and charitable groups that helps people to survive physically and emotionally making the difference toward rebuilding their lives.

Meg Wheatley quotes Bill McKibben to reference the shift that I hope we see now as the way to go. See what you think.

The story of the twentieth century was finding out just how big and powerful we were. And it turns out that we’re big and powerful as all get out. The story of the twenty-first century is going to be finding out if we can figure out ways to get smaller or not. To see if we can summon the will, and then the way, to make ourselves somewhat smaller, and try to fit back into this planet.

Just an Idea…

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conversation, hopeful, ideas, Meg Wheatley, The Sophia Center for Spirituality, Turning To One Another

Here’s a short “word” from Meg Wheatley that I read yesterday and heartily support. The question is whether or not you or I will take it to heart and act upon it.

I hope we can claim conversation as our route back to each other, and as the path forward to a hopeful future. It only requires imagination and courage and faith. These are qualities possessed by everyone. Now is the time to exercise them to their fullest. (Turning to One Another, p. 5)

Could it possibly be as simple as inviting a few people to meet to “kick around a few ideas,” making sure that at least one of them is a creative thinker, one someone who follows through on ideas and one who is known to you but not yet in your circle of friends? When you meet, bring along the quote from Meg Wheatley and see what happens. I’d be happy to hear about your success.

A Good Reminder

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choose life, life, Meg Wheatley, Sister Helen Kelley, The Sophia Center for Spirituality, Turning To One Another

In what seems a difficult start to the new year in our country and in many places on our planet, I find solace and motivation in a quote I heard and held long ago. It is like meeting an old friend once again and recognizing still our deep connection. I thank Meg Wheatley for including it in her book, turning to one another.

“Choose Life – only that and always, and at whatever risk. To let life leak out, to let it wear away by the mere passage of time, to withhold giving it and spreading it is to choose nothing.” (Sister Helen Kelley)

The Human Spirit

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apartheid, courage, extraordinary, human spirit, Meg Wheatley, Nelson Mandela, prison, The Sophia Center for Spirituality, Turning To One Another

Recently it seems counterproductive to watch – or even listen to – the evening news. The destruction from weather events is bad enough, but the way people are judging and treating each other around our country and in the world is unconscionable. We need more stories of courage to keep the light strong and our willingness to fan the flames of unifying love alive.

Meg Wheatley has a brief but powerful story that speaks to the power of the human spirit. She was touring Robben Island in South Africa where Nelson Mandela and others struggling against apartheid were imprisoned for over 25 years. She recounts the event as follows.

We were standing in a long narrow room that had been used as a prison cell for dozens of freedom fighters. They lived in close quarters in this barren room – no cots or furniture, just cement walls and floors with narrow windows near the ceiling. We stood there listening to our guide’s narration. He had been a prisoner in this very room. The cold came up through the floor into our feet as we gazed around the lifeless cell. We stared through the bars of the door as he described the constant threats and capricious brutality they had suffered. Then he paused and gazed down the length of the room. Speaking very quietly, he said: “Sometimes, to pass the time here, we taught each other ballroom dancing.”

She concludes: I have never forgotten that image, of demoralized and weary men teaching each other to dance in the cold silence of a long prison cell. Only the human spirit is capable of such dancing. (turning to one another, p.74)

All I see in my mind’s eye in the wake of that story is the face of Nelson Mandela on the day of his release from that prison – and again on the day that he was elected president of South Africa. His smile was so broad it lit up the world.

Let us think on these things when we are feeling bowed down. We say, “Yes, but he was extraordinary.” We need, rather, to turn to one another and draw the extraordinary out of each other – together.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Good Conversation

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closer, conversation, curious, differences, different, good listening, judgment, listen, listening, Meg Wheatley, messages, relationship, The Sophia Center for Spirituality, Turning To One Another

I’m up early to greet the day with Meg Wheatley’s book, turning to one another. (Yes, the title is written in all lower case letters – most likely to emphasize the desire to have a conversation of equality.) I haven’t visited this treasure for a long time but have been trying to live with its messages nonetheless. It all seems so timely now when, day by day, so much in the world seems so fractured. I don’t know why it called to me as I turned to set my coffee on my side table. Perhaps it’s the appearance of the book itself, skinny but tall and dressed in a coat of red and yellow on its spine. Here are the two paragraphs that wouldn’t let me go this morning.

I hope you’ll begin a conversation, listening for what’s new. Listen as best you can for what’s different, for what surprises you. See if this practice helps you learn something new. Notice whether you develop a better relationship with the person you’re talking with. If you try this with several people, you might find yourself laughing in delight as you realize how many unique ways there are to be human.

We have the opportunity many times a day, everyday, to be the one who listens to others, curious rather than certain. But the greatest benefit of all is that listening moves us closer. When we listen with less judgment, we always develop better relationship with each other. It’s not differences that divide us. It’s our judgments about each other that do. Curiosity and good listening bring us back together. (p.36)

 

 

 

 

 

Fully Human

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call, generosity, human, Meg Wheatley, open-hearted, Paulo Freire, purpose, purpose-filled, receive, religious life, The Sophia Center for Spirituality, Turning To One Another, vocation

The word “vocation” is sitting under many of my thoughts these days as I walk through this 50th year of religious life. It surfaces each time a gathering comes along where I am called to answer the question, “How are you?” asked by people who haven’t seen me in awhile. It comes from the Latin verb meaning to call and as a noun is used to define our work in life. Meg Wheatley quotes Paulo Freire, a Brazilian and world educator who often said that we have a “vocation to be fully human.” She goes on from there to give some thoughts worthy of pondering. See what you think.

We don’t decide what our vocation is, she says, we receive it. It always originates from outside us. Therefore, we can’t talk about vocation or a calling without acknowledging that there is something going on beyond our narrow sense of self. It helps remind us that there’s more than just me, that we’re part of a larger and purpose-filled place.

Even if we don’t use the word vocation, most of us want to experience a sense of purpose to our lives…I believe we become more fully human with any gesture of generosity, any time we reach out to another rather than withdraw into our individual suffering. To become fully human we need to keep opening our hearts, no matter what. At this time when suffering and anxiety continue to increase, when there is always reason to weep for some unbearable tragedy inflicted by one human on another, I try to remember to keep my heart open.

In my own experience, I notice I like myself better when I am generous and open-hearted. I don’t like myself when I’m afraid of others or angry at them…At those times, I don’t feel more human but less. I become more fully human only when I extend myself. This is how I define for myself what it means to have a vocation to be fully human. (Turning To One Another, pp. 58, 59)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Curiosity

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beliefs, conversation, curiousity, deep listening, interactions, Meg Wheatley, reflection, spiritual practice, The Sophia Center for Spirituality, Turning To One Another

Yesterday I was able to meet with my monthly “spiritual practices circle” for the first time this year. It was a lovely way to spend a slice of the day and a renewal of my conviction about the importance of deep listening and conversation. I was taken back to that privileged time this morning as I read some of Meg Wheatley’s comments in her book, Turning to One Another. Her point is something to remember in the complex and tumultuous times in which we live. I offer her words as a reflection that may open us in new ways  in our interactions with others today – or any day.

It is very difficult to give up our certainties – our positions, our beliefs, our explanations. These help define us; they lie at the heart of our personal identity. Yet I believe we will succeed in changing this world only if we can think and work together in new ways. Curiosity is what we need. We don’t have to let go of what we believe, but we do need to be curious about what someone else believes. We do need to acknowledge that their way of interpreting the world might be essential to our survival…

To be curious about how someone else interprets things, we have to be willing to admit that we’re not capable of figuring things out alone. If our solutions don’t work as well as we want them to, if our explanations of why something happened don’t feel sufficient, it’s time to begin asking others what they see and think. When so many interpretations are available, I can’t understand why we would be satisfied with superficial conversations where we pretend to agree with one another. (p. 35)

 

 

 

 

 

Thinking Is NOT Over-rated!

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changing, chatter, clarity, commitment, courage, Holiday, ideas, Meg Wheatley, mindless, New Year's, resolutions, sorrowful, The Sophia Center for Spirituality, think, Turning To One Another, wasted moments, world

It seems strange that today is a holiday. Who ever thinks of January 2nd as special (except those whose birthdays or anniversaries are today)? Perhaps it’s always like that when New Year’s Day falls on Sunday, and maybe I had the same thought seven years ago but I don’t remember. Anyway, today feels like being given an extra ticket to an event and I don’t want to waste it. I haven’t settled on any resolutions for this year yet. All I know is that whatever I say I will do or be, I need to be seriously committed to carry it out. Conditions seem more serious in the world than ever before so I feel a need to be equally serious in my deliberations.

I’ve had a rare stretch of “down time” over the past few weeks – first because of that nasty cold that so many of us have contracted and then with quiet holidays and cold weather. Those conditions have been quite conducive to thinking and reading. Meg Wheatley has what seems an interesting thought for the day regarding this topic and a possible focus for me today. She says:

If we feel we’re changing in ways we don’t like, or seeing things in the world that make us sorrowful, then we need to time to think about this. We need time to think about what we might do and where we might start to change things. We need time to develop clarity and courage. If we want our world to be different, our first act needs to be reclaiming time to think. Nothing will change for the better until we do that. (Turning To One Another, p.99)

What might this mean for me? I think perhaps I will need to let go more deliberately of the mindless chatter inside my head and the wasted moments clicking on celebrity stories that show up on my computer when I’m in the process of reading the headlines. If these two things become disciplines, I might have more time and energy for deeper thinking and the reading that will lead – eventually – to more useful ideas about change in myself and in the world around me. Here’s hoping!

Being Disturbed

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beliefs, challenged, curious, disturbed, holidays, ideas, identity, Meg Wheatley, Turning To One Another

I probably should have said something gleaned from Meg Wheatley’s book, Turning to One Another before the holidays started since so many of us were on our way to gatherings during these days. If close to home, we are probably back in our own space by now, safe in our daily routines. For some, today may be a travel day, perhaps an unlikely time to be on the internet – unless stuck in an airport, of course. Anyway, I wasn’t feeling as if I had anything to say this morning that was worthy of note but, since I needed a companion for my second cup of coffee, I pulled Meg Wheatley off the shelf and opened to a section named willing to be disturbed. Although the entire section is worthy of note, the beginning caught my eye immediately. I will only submit to you the first paragraph and a short addendum but once again, I offer the book as one to review on a regular basis because her words are relevant, it seems, to whatever day we find them in – ordinary or not.

As we work together to restore hope to the future, we need to include a new and strange ally – our willingness to be disturbed. Our willingness to have our beliefs and ideas challenged by what others think. No one person or perspective can give us the answers we need to the problems of today. Paradoxically, we can only find those answers by admitting we don’t know. We have to be willing to let go of our certainty and expect ourselves to be confused for a time…

It is very difficult to give up our certainties – our positions, our beliefs, our explanations. These help define us; they lie at the heart of our personal identity. Yet I believe we will succeed in changing this world only if we can think and work together in new ways. Curiosity is what we need. We don’t have to let go of what we believe, but we do need to be curious about what someone else believes. We do need to acknowledge that their way of interpreting the world might be essential to our survival. (p. 34-35)