A Good Reminder

Tags

choose life, life, Meg Wheatley, Sister Helen Kelley, The Sophia Center for Spirituality, Turning To One Another

In what seems a difficult start to the new year in our country and in many places on our planet, I find solace and motivation in a quote I heard and held long ago. It is like meeting an old friend once again and recognizing still our deep connection. I thank Meg Wheatley for including it in her book, turning to one another.

“Choose Life – only that and always, and at whatever risk. To let life leak out, to let it wear away by the mere passage of time, to withhold giving it and spreading it is to choose nothing.” (Sister Helen Kelley)

Advertisements

The Human Spirit

Tags

apartheid, courage, extraordinary, human spirit, Meg Wheatley, Nelson Mandela, prison, The Sophia Center for Spirituality, Turning To One Another

Recently it seems counterproductive to watch – or even listen to – the evening news. The destruction from weather events is bad enough, but the way people are judging and treating each other around our country and in the world is unconscionable. We need more stories of courage to keep the light strong and our willingness to fan the flames of unifying love alive.

Meg Wheatley has a brief but powerful story that speaks to the power of the human spirit. She was touring Robben Island in South Africa where Nelson Mandela and others struggling against apartheid were imprisoned for over 25 years. She recounts the event as follows.

We were standing in a long narrow room that had been used as a prison cell for dozens of freedom fighters. They lived in close quarters in this barren room – no cots or furniture, just cement walls and floors with narrow windows near the ceiling. We stood there listening to our guide’s narration. He had been a prisoner in this very room. The cold came up through the floor into our feet as we gazed around the lifeless cell. We stared through the bars of the door as he described the constant threats and capricious brutality they had suffered. Then he paused and gazed down the length of the room. Speaking very quietly, he said: “Sometimes, to pass the time here, we taught each other ballroom dancing.”

She concludes: I have never forgotten that image, of demoralized and weary men teaching each other to dance in the cold silence of a long prison cell. Only the human spirit is capable of such dancing. (turning to one another, p.74)

All I see in my mind’s eye in the wake of that story is the face of Nelson Mandela on the day of his release from that prison – and again on the day that he was elected president of South Africa. His smile was so broad it lit up the world.

Let us think on these things when we are feeling bowed down. We say, “Yes, but he was extraordinary.” We need, rather, to turn to one another and draw the extraordinary out of each other – together.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Good Conversation

Tags

closer, conversation, curious, differences, different, good listening, judgment, listen, listening, Meg Wheatley, messages, relationship, The Sophia Center for Spirituality, Turning To One Another

I’m up early to greet the day with Meg Wheatley’s book, turning to one another. (Yes, the title is written in all lower case letters – most likely to emphasize the desire to have a conversation of equality.) I haven’t visited this treasure for a long time but have been trying to live with its messages nonetheless. It all seems so timely now when, day by day, so much in the world seems so fractured. I don’t know why it called to me as I turned to set my coffee on my side table. Perhaps it’s the appearance of the book itself, skinny but tall and dressed in a coat of red and yellow on its spine. Here are the two paragraphs that wouldn’t let me go this morning.

I hope you’ll begin a conversation, listening for what’s new. Listen as best you can for what’s different, for what surprises you. See if this practice helps you learn something new. Notice whether you develop a better relationship with the person you’re talking with. If you try this with several people, you might find yourself laughing in delight as you realize how many unique ways there are to be human.

We have the opportunity many times a day, everyday, to be the one who listens to others, curious rather than certain. But the greatest benefit of all is that listening moves us closer. When we listen with less judgment, we always develop better relationship with each other. It’s not differences that divide us. It’s our judgments about each other that do. Curiosity and good listening bring us back together. (p.36)

 

 

 

 

 

Fully Human

Tags

call, generosity, human, Meg Wheatley, open-hearted, Paulo Freire, purpose, purpose-filled, receive, religious life, The Sophia Center for Spirituality, Turning To One Another, vocation

The word “vocation” is sitting under many of my thoughts these days as I walk through this 50th year of religious life. It surfaces each time a gathering comes along where I am called to answer the question, “How are you?” asked by people who haven’t seen me in awhile. It comes from the Latin verb meaning to call and as a noun is used to define our work in life. Meg Wheatley quotes Paulo Freire, a Brazilian and world educator who often said that we have a “vocation to be fully human.” She goes on from there to give some thoughts worthy of pondering. See what you think.

We don’t decide what our vocation is, she says, we receive it. It always originates from outside us. Therefore, we can’t talk about vocation or a calling without acknowledging that there is something going on beyond our narrow sense of self. It helps remind us that there’s more than just me, that we’re part of a larger and purpose-filled place.

Even if we don’t use the word vocation, most of us want to experience a sense of purpose to our lives…I believe we become more fully human with any gesture of generosity, any time we reach out to another rather than withdraw into our individual suffering. To become fully human we need to keep opening our hearts, no matter what. At this time when suffering and anxiety continue to increase, when there is always reason to weep for some unbearable tragedy inflicted by one human on another, I try to remember to keep my heart open.

In my own experience, I notice I like myself better when I am generous and open-hearted. I don’t like myself when I’m afraid of others or angry at them…At those times, I don’t feel more human but less. I become more fully human only when I extend myself. This is how I define for myself what it means to have a vocation to be fully human. (Turning To One Another, pp. 58, 59)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Curiosity

Tags

beliefs, conversation, curiousity, deep listening, interactions, Meg Wheatley, reflection, spiritual practice, The Sophia Center for Spirituality, Turning To One Another

Yesterday I was able to meet with my monthly “spiritual practices circle” for the first time this year. It was a lovely way to spend a slice of the day and a renewal of my conviction about the importance of deep listening and conversation. I was taken back to that privileged time this morning as I read some of Meg Wheatley’s comments in her book, Turning to One Another. Her point is something to remember in the complex and tumultuous times in which we live. I offer her words as a reflection that may open us in new ways  in our interactions with others today – or any day.

It is very difficult to give up our certainties – our positions, our beliefs, our explanations. These help define us; they lie at the heart of our personal identity. Yet I believe we will succeed in changing this world only if we can think and work together in new ways. Curiosity is what we need. We don’t have to let go of what we believe, but we do need to be curious about what someone else believes. We do need to acknowledge that their way of interpreting the world might be essential to our survival…

To be curious about how someone else interprets things, we have to be willing to admit that we’re not capable of figuring things out alone. If our solutions don’t work as well as we want them to, if our explanations of why something happened don’t feel sufficient, it’s time to begin asking others what they see and think. When so many interpretations are available, I can’t understand why we would be satisfied with superficial conversations where we pretend to agree with one another. (p. 35)

 

 

 

 

 

Thinking Is NOT Over-rated!

Tags

changing, chatter, clarity, commitment, courage, Holiday, ideas, Meg Wheatley, mindless, New Year's, resolutions, sorrowful, The Sophia Center for Spirituality, think, Turning To One Another, wasted moments, world

It seems strange that today is a holiday. Who ever thinks of January 2nd as special (except those whose birthdays or anniversaries are today)? Perhaps it’s always like that when New Year’s Day falls on Sunday, and maybe I had the same thought seven years ago but I don’t remember. Anyway, today feels like being given an extra ticket to an event and I don’t want to waste it. I haven’t settled on any resolutions for this year yet. All I know is that whatever I say I will do or be, I need to be seriously committed to carry it out. Conditions seem more serious in the world than ever before so I feel a need to be equally serious in my deliberations.

I’ve had a rare stretch of “down time” over the past few weeks – first because of that nasty cold that so many of us have contracted and then with quiet holidays and cold weather. Those conditions have been quite conducive to thinking and reading. Meg Wheatley has what seems an interesting thought for the day regarding this topic and a possible focus for me today. She says:

If we feel we’re changing in ways we don’t like, or seeing things in the world that make us sorrowful, then we need to time to think about this. We need time to think about what we might do and where we might start to change things. We need time to develop clarity and courage. If we want our world to be different, our first act needs to be reclaiming time to think. Nothing will change for the better until we do that. (Turning To One Another, p.99)

What might this mean for me? I think perhaps I will need to let go more deliberately of the mindless chatter inside my head and the wasted moments clicking on celebrity stories that show up on my computer when I’m in the process of reading the headlines. If these two things become disciplines, I might have more time and energy for deeper thinking and the reading that will lead – eventually – to more useful ideas about change in myself and in the world around me. Here’s hoping!

Being Disturbed

Tags

beliefs, challenged, curious, disturbed, holidays, ideas, identity, Meg Wheatley, Turning To One Another

I probably should have said something gleaned from Meg Wheatley’s book, Turning to One Another before the holidays started since so many of us were on our way to gatherings during these days. If close to home, we are probably back in our own space by now, safe in our daily routines. For some, today may be a travel day, perhaps an unlikely time to be on the internet – unless stuck in an airport, of course. Anyway, I wasn’t feeling as if I had anything to say this morning that was worthy of note but, since I needed a companion for my second cup of coffee, I pulled Meg Wheatley off the shelf and opened to a section named willing to be disturbed. Although the entire section is worthy of note, the beginning caught my eye immediately. I will only submit to you the first paragraph and a short addendum but once again, I offer the book as one to review on a regular basis because her words are relevant, it seems, to whatever day we find them in – ordinary or not.

As we work together to restore hope to the future, we need to include a new and strange ally – our willingness to be disturbed. Our willingness to have our beliefs and ideas challenged by what others think. No one person or perspective can give us the answers we need to the problems of today. Paradoxically, we can only find those answers by admitting we don’t know. We have to be willing to let go of our certainty and expect ourselves to be confused for a time…

It is very difficult to give up our certainties – our positions, our beliefs, our explanations. These help define us; they lie at the heart of our personal identity. Yet I believe we will succeed in changing this world only if we can think and work together in new ways. Curiosity is what we need. We don’t have to let go of what we believe, but we do need to be curious about what someone else believes. We do need to acknowledge that their way of interpreting the world might be essential to our survival. (p. 34-35)

 

 

 

 

 

 

Big Love

Tags

bad news, big love, curious, engaged, example, humanity, Hurricane Matthew, listen, love, Meg Wheatley, open our hearts, pain, pray, quiet, reality of pain, The Sophia Center for Spirituality, Turning To One Another, world

I am probably going to sound like a broken record today but in the face of all the “bad news” that greeted me when I turned on my computer this morning, I can’t help it. It would be easy to stay frozen in my rocking chair and figuratively “bury my head in the sand” knowing all the devastation of hurricane Matthew thus far in the Caribbean and anticipating “his” arrival in the United States or reading so many e-mails asking prayers for loved ones diagnosed with terminal diseases. I won’t even begin to talk about politics and the state of our nation! For solace I turned to Meg Wheatley. She quoted Sharon Salzberg’s concise dictum that I believe could solve everything if we could just intuit the depth of meaning in it and choose to embrace it fully. Salzberg says:

Only love is big enough to hold all the pain in this world.

She doesn’t say that love is big enough to minimize the pain or eradicate the pain or (God forbid) help us ignore the pain. She calls us to see that only in recognizing and being willing to embrace the reality of pain in our lives and in the larger world in solidarity with each other will we be able to endure. Meg Wheatley then adds, I think of a gesture of love as anything we do that helps others discover their humanity. Any act where we turn to one another. Open our hearts. Extend ourselves. Listen. Any time we’re patient. Curious. Quiet. Engaged…I feel we become more fully human through our generosity, when we extend to another rather than withdraw into ourselves. (Turning to One Another, p. 138)

It’s okay to start small. Read the news. Pray for one situation, one person to get better. Make a phone call to use your voice for good. Show up when it counts. Be a good example to a teenager. Get used to practicing until “big love” is the only way you can imagine living, even though it is not the easiest way to live.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Here I Go Again!

Tags

courage, deep conversation, discern, discussions, foundation, heart, life's purpose, meal sharing, Meg Wheatley, ritual, St. Joseph's Provincial House, The Sophia Center for Spirituality, travel, Turning To One Another, wisdom work

I’m awake early today, making lists already for what I need to remember. I’m leaving later today for a week of travel that will place me at three different locations for three important conversations. It begins tomorrow at a reunion celebration with the women who arrived at St. Joseph’s Provincial House fifty years ago seeking to test a vocation to religious life. Some of us found that by God’s miraculous grace we stayed; others left us over the years to find their life’s purpose elsewhere. We will be happy to hear their stories tomorrow as we gather for ritual and sharing of a meal. By tomorrow evening I will be on a plane traveling half-way across the country to meet with other women. Eight of us have been privileged to be together several times over the past two years in prayer and purpose, designing processes for all of our Sisters (nearly 1,000 still) to discern a future that will see us as a smaller number but still strong to serve. Our efforts have been blessed by the participation of hearts and minds willing to jump in and speak to each other about vision, fears and fearlessness as we look ahead to a future that only God can know in the present. The end of my journey will bring me back East to New Hampshire by next weekend for different but just as worthy discussions. We six are the advisors to the trustee of our dear departed friend, Helen, whose gift of her fortune has facilitated the spread of “Wisdom Work” in the past four years to a degree that we could never have imagined. We have eight proposals to consider for the next calendar year, which may be the last. It was Helen’s desire that her money be dispersed within five years and it seems that she judged it correctly! Perhaps we may need to continue (and Helen’s wish was not a command). We won’t know until we sit together – again in prayer and deep conversation – to come to clarity on what projects are in keeping with her intent and vision.

I write all of the above this morning because of the unusual conjunction of events which are all bound together by a foundation of deep and meaningful conversation. I have been struck often lately by the power of that form of communication, seeing that no matter the type of gathering – be it business or pleasure – “success” of any encounter depends on deep listening to and response from all the parties involved. Meg Wheatley has lots to say about that; specifically today I heard the following:

Where can we find the courage to start a good conversation? The answer is found in the word itself. Courage comes from the Old French word for heart (cuer). We develop courage for those things that speak to our heart. Our courage grows for things that affect us deeply, things that open our hearts. Once our heart is engaged, it is easy to be brave. (Turning to One Another, p. 25)

I am eager for the coming week as I know hearts from around this country will be engaged in each of the three events to come. Mine is already anticipating the joy of our presence to one another. I’ll let you know how it goes.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Faith in the Future

Tags

action, beliefs, courage, faith, faith quotient, future, Meg Wheatley, responsibility, The Sophia Center for Spirituality, Turning To One Another, uncomfortable, unfamiliar, values

There’s a lot of distress about the future in our country and the world these days. It’s often really difficult to see how we will overcome the negative forces that seem to surround us on every front. Sometimes it’s important just to stop and take stock of where we stand and what we believe is possible. Meg Wheatley, in her book Turning to One Another asks the question: What is my faith in the future? and then offers the following thoughts.

Where does the future come from? It often feels these days as if the future arrives from nowhere. Suddenly things feel unfamiliar, we’re behaving differently, the world doesn’t work the way it used to. We’re surprised to find ourselves in this new place – it’s uncomfortable and we don’t like it.

The future doesn’t take form irrationally, even though it feels that way. The future comes from where we are now. It materializes from the actions, values, and beliefs we’re practicing now. We’re creating the future every day, by what we choose to do. If we want a different future, we have to take responsibility for what we are doing in the present.

After discussing several examples of how we might accept that responsibility and move forward, she concludes with the following statement. We have sufficient human capacities – to think and reflect together, to care about one another, to act courageously, to reclaim the future. These great human capacities moved into action are what give me faith in the future. (p. 64, 67)

What is your “faith quotient” right now? How will you work toward its realization?