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Tag Archives: sight

Mixed Emotions

21 Wednesday Apr 2021

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conflicted, forgive, racism, sight, The Sophia Center for Spirituality, verdict

Yesterday was a difficult, emotional day. On Monday, the day before yesterday, I had an excision close to my right eye and today it seems (for me, at least) the best symbolic explanation of the experience of the past two days. Let me try to explain the strength of the mixed feelings in this way.

An excision is defined as: the act or procedure of removing by or as if by cutting out, especially by surgical removal or resection. I had a squamous cell carcinoma, a skin cancer more serious than a basal cell, but not serious if not left to grow in the body. My only concern was the closeness of the growth to my eye, but my dermatologist assured me that there was enough soft tissue around the cancer to successfully excise it without danger. My sight, in other words, would not be compromised. The procedure went as planned and today I can see just fine, but I am aware of a bit of swelling discomfort to my eye.

Yesterday I also found myself weeping at several moments around the announcement of the triple conviction of Derek Chauvin in the killing of George Floyd. There was a fair amount of tension as the time for the announcement of the jury decision loomed. I knew that if the decision was “Not guilty” on any of the counts it would be dangerous to the peace in the country. My relief when the verdict of guilty on all three counts was announced was total. As painful as it was to admit that I was grateful for a verdict that would mean severe punishment for any individual, I knew it was just, merited even, and that vindication was the best answer in this case. I cried with joy for the Floyd family, for all the people of color in our country, for all people who’ve been wrongly accused and punished, and for those who refuse to respect the rights of others to exist and thrive. I cried for myself as well and any shred of racism that remains in my heart.

I think yesterday was the first time I was so conflicted, not about the decision—because of the clarity of its correctness—but because of my actual feeling of joy in light of the decision. It is difficult to parse the feelings sitting in me. Perhaps I needn’t do so but only leave them and recognize that they exist. The question for me will be only whether or not I can forgive Derek Chauvin for his crimes. Perhaps if I come to see more clearly my own subtle racism, that clarity may shed light on how I am to proceed in my dealings with all people who are different from myself. And if love is a result of this recognition, my right eye will be healed.

More Light!

16 Monday Nov 2015

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blind, bond of love, chant, Cynthia Bourgeault, Helen Luke, Jericho, Jesus, mercy, sight, The Sophia Center for Spirituality, Thomas Merton, Wisdom School

OXYGEN Volume 09Once again this morning, the gospel repeats the question of Jesus (this time to a blind beggar on the road to Jericho): What do you want me to do for you? He was, of course, asking for sight. Last evening, 240 people gathered for the opening of our “mega wisdom school” and our voices soared with a lovely chant asking, Lord, as you will; Lord, as you know; have mercy, have mercy. Based on the teachings of Thomas Merton, Helen Luke and Cynthia Bourgeault, we know that word mercy to signify a deep, reciprocal bond of love from God to us and back again. The resonance in the song built like a gentle plea gathering strength and then breathing back into silence like the confidence that comes with receiving a response. And everyone left with only the silence and a smile to say “Goodnight.”

I awoke with the chant still accompanying me and the question: What is your desire for this day? Perhaps you might entertain that question as well…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ephphatha!

06 Sunday Sep 2015

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blind, blindness, deafness, Ephphatha, fearless, Isaiah, letter of james, Mark, openness, prejudice, psalm 146, show no partiality, sight, strength, The Sophia Center for Spirituality

prejudgeThe vision of the prophet Isaiah today (35:4-7) is full of energy and good news. My heart was lifted to hope as I felt his words: THUS SAYS THE LORD! Say to those whose hearts are frightened: Be strong, fear not! Here is your God…who comes to save you…Then will the eyes of the blind be opened, the ears of the deaf will be cleared; then will the lame leap like a stag and the tongue of the mute will sing. Streams will burst forth in the desert, rivers in the steppe. The burning sands will become pools and the thirsty ground springs of water! Good news indeed, which the psalmist picks up again in Ps. 146, speaking about God giving sight to the blind and raising up those who are bowed down.

When I read of Jesus curing the blind man in MK 7:31-37, it appeared that the easy topic for today was gratitude for all of God’s gifts, especially of healing of the senses and the earth, but the second reading from the Letter of James (2:1-5) wouldn’t be ignored. Show no partiality, James says, when dealing with other people. Sometimes our prejudices are based on what we see and hear and sometimes they are so subtle that we do not recognize the motivation for our leanings toward or against another person. James speaks of blatant things: gold rings and fine clothes vs. shabbiness in dress. Sometimes a regional or foreign accent draws or repels us – or sometimes it is religious or political party affiliation…The list is endless. So when the Scriptures speak of blindness or deafness I think it is clear that in addition to our physical senses, we need to be attentive to openness on deeper levels. Ephphatha! Jesus cries. Be opened! – the key I will carry to observe my thoughts and actions throughout this day.

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