Definitional Distinction

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compassion, guilt, light, Meg Wheatley, perseverance, regret, see clearly, The Sophia Center for Spirituality

Most people who know me are aware of my fondness for words – not that I prefer talking to silence, but I’m always interested in nuances and things making sense. This morning I read a page from Meg Wheatley’s book, Perseverance, that gave me pause and seems worth repeating. Her concluding paragraph is especially helpful for a Saturday of looking back to the past week and forward to the next.

There’s a fundamental distinction between guilt and regret. Guilt turns us inward, creating a cauldron of self-hatred that destroys us. People never act wisely from guilt – the intensity of emotions prevents discernment and right action.

Regret, on the other hand, does not disable us. It gives us the capacity to see clearly, to clarify our future, to change. We can vow not to repeat our mistakes, we can pay attention to what we’ve learned, we can focus our heart and mind on not causing harm again. We can develop greater insight into who we are, and move forward to become who we would like to be.

If guilt and shame are driving us inward, hopefully we can notice this direction and choose, even for a moment, to look outward. If we look out into the world, we will notice that millions of other people are, at this very moment, experiencing the same terrible feelings.

We can use this time of feeling badly about ourself to get beyond our self, and connect with all those other humans with whom we share this dark kinship. If our hearts open to them, what enters us is not more darkness, but the light of compassion. (p. 87)

Life and Death

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death, die, divine, failure, foibles, God's embrace, humility, letting go, psalm 49, regret, success, The Sophia Center for Spirituality, wealth, willingness

Psalm 49 speaks loudly of the reality that “you can’t take it with you.” No matter our success or wealth, wise people die, the psalm says, “and likewise the senseless and the stupid pass away leaving to others their wealth.”

No matter how I tried to ignore talking about death at the beginning of the day, I kept coming back to it, remembering an often repeated concept of our wisdom work that recommends learning to “die before you die.” What might that mean exactly? For most of us there are events or circumstances in our lives that we would rather forget for our poor handling of the situation or the pain we have caused, but blotting them out without learning the lessons they teach merits us nothing. Owning up to our foibles, expressing our regret, making restitution if necessary and then letting go is a “death to self” that opens up the possibility of a deeper way of living. Not beating ourselves up for mistakes but having the humility to acknowledge that full and true humanity is a skill learned as much through failure as through success seems the only sensible way to live.

If we practice letting go each day of our faults and the perceived failings of others, we will be ready to let go of everything about this human realm to which we have been clinging, be it wealth or prestige or relationship or even the lovely simple things of life. The reward of this willingness, we trust, is a letting go into the divine life that awaits us where we fall effortlessly into God’s embrace.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Who Decides?

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blame, blog, criticism, following, gratitude, Meg Wheatley, perseverance, praise, read, regret, The Sophia Center for Spirituality

Every once in awhile I ask myself if writing this blog is still worth the time and energy it takes to do it. At those times – and in between as well – I look at the statistics. Yes, I can tell how many people read what I write each day and once in  awhile someone leaves a comment about what s/he has read. In addition, there is a way to ascertain where readers live – by country. That is the most amazing part of this endeavor as it shows me the reach of the “worldwide web.” Who would have thought that someone in Norway and/or Azerbaijan would be reading my simple morning musings! I generally remain unfazed by all of this information but occasionally realize I am worrying when the bar graph shows a dip or the number on the blog page says someone stopped “following.” Those are the moments when I usually hear gratitude from someone – especially someone I don’t know – who leaves a supportive comment and I breathe a sigh of relief.

I was made aware of this tendency to judge my practice by listening to other voices when I picked up Meg Wheatley’s book this morning. On a page called “Praise and Blame” she writes:

There is absolutely no way to avoid being criticized. Nobody gets through life described as totally wonderful. The question is, what do we do with criticism?…Do we assume that a criticism of something we’ve done is a condemnation of who we are? Or can we filter criticism and keep it focused as perhaps valuable but bounded information? Can we look for the kernels of truth there that might help us improve? Can we not instantly push criticism away, yet not accept it totally? And can we treat praise the same way? (Perseverance, p.65)

I think I’m closer to healthy answers to the above questions than I would have been in my younger days, but it was a good reality check. I trust that I will continue to write the blog as long as it feels right and then will let it go without regret and with gratitude to God, the author of it all.