Ten days ago I was on my way to California for a few days of family visiting and then a three-day meeting. Because of the three-hour time difference and uncertainty about my activities, I announced a brief “hiatus” for my blog. I had no idea it would last this long! Three days ago I was looking out on beautiful sunshine lighting up bougainvillea and rose bushes with temperatures of 75 degrees (F) and just now it has started to snow again here in New York! The days away seemed endless as I was stricken with what turned out to be quite a virulent virus that curtailed all but totally necessary activities. Even today I struggle with a lethargy that makes me wonder if I’ll ever be back to “normal” – whatever that means.
As I write that, I remember my thoughts as I drove home from the Easter Vigil – the conclusion of a very meaningful Triduum of services moving me to a deeper desire for continued transformation in my life. I had been so moved by those three ritual days: the prayer, the music, the silence and reflection on the events that constitute the most solemn days of our faith. I was ready, I thought, to keep that flame burning brightly, reminding myself each day of what I had experienced and living into life more consciously. Today I feel as if that experience was eons ago and I marvel at how quickly and easily circumstances can swallow up momentum and make it hard even to get out of bed in the morning.
I always have a sense of “time out of time” when I travel across the country. The view from 35,000 feet up in the sky is so amazing and sobering all at once and flying through time zones gives a sense of the relative nature of our constructs. These ten days of goings and comings, of observing and working at participation, of sensing my body as in need of more care than usual…have been eye-opening, to say the least.
What conclusion can I make from all this? I am grateful for the years of reciting the psalms in prayer as I always find something to hold onto in them. This morning it is Psalm 27 that serves that purpose:
The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom should I fear? The Lord is my life’s refuge; of whom should I be afraid? One thing I ask of the Lord; this I seek: to dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, that I may gaze on the loveliness of the Lord and contemplate his temple. I believe that I shall see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord with courage; be stouthearted and wait for the Lord.