Heartfelt Listening

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listen, Meg Wheatley, silence, The Sophia Center for Spirituality, Turning To One Another

Lately I’ve been noticing – and reading about – a lot of unfortunate trends in the ways that people speak to each other these days. It seems more like a contest than anything else and people are quick to pull a gun or call a lawyer to sue for defamation of character. On television, panel “discussions” devolve quickly into shouting matches or five people talking over each other in louder and louder voices to get their points across.

All of this reminded me of a moment at our book study session on Wednesday evening this past week. When Cheryl asked for comments on a section of the chapter we read, there was a protracted silence, long enough for me to feel the need to say something like: “Didn’t anything strike you? Anybody???” which elicited a rousing chorus of “We’re just thinking!…It’s so deep and meaningful…” I was immediately chastened and, at the same moment, grateful for the depth of sharing that was so common in this group.

Meg Wheatley has something to say on this topic. On a page from her book, turning to one another in answer to her own question, “When have I experienced good listening?” she writes the following:

One of the easiest human acts is also the most healing. Listening to someone. Simply listening. Not advising or coaching, but silently and fully listening…it has something to do with the fact that listening creates relationships. We know from science that nothing in the universe exists as an isolated or independent entity. Everything takes form from relationships, be it subatomic particles sharing energy or ecosystems sharing food. In the web of life, nothing lives alone. (p. 88-89)

I’ll try to remember that…

Choice

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acceptance, choice, interpretation, judgment, Meg Wheatley, perseverance, react, respond, The Sophia Center for Spirituality

Life sometimes seems to be offering us little choice. When we’re young we have to go to school, we eat what our parents put before us, we do what we’re told, etc. When older, sometimes it feels the same when our patterns are established and we go to work, we spend our money on necessities (or not) and sometimes life seems to winnow the list of choices we have to fit into how much time we have in our busy schedules (but who makes the schedule?).

I am considering the topic of choice today not because I feel constrained by the number of hours in the day (although as I get older that sometimes rankles) but because of Margaret Wheatley’s book, Perseverance, that I chose for my morning reflection. Here’s a little of what she said – which you might choose to consider as I did, whether you are making judgments about time constraints, other people or anything in your life.

We need first to notice that we’ve made choices about everything in our lives. How we react and respond, every single feeling, is a choice. Every situation has infinite possibilities for interpretation and reaction. But we collapse all those possibilities the second we assign a feeling or judgment to the situation. (Page 103)

So, really, it’s more about how we feel about our choices and/or how we judge them that makes the difference in our acceptance of them. I will be spending some time with this thought today. Will you?

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From Whence Comes Joy?

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joy, Meg Wheatley, Peace, perseverance, relationship, service, The Sophia Center for Spirituality, together

Here’s something to ponder that made sense to me this morning. It may take some moments of reflection but hopefully will lead to gratitude in the end.

Joy, like peace, resides only inside us. It is never manufactured by external circumstances. This is very good news, as external events, other people, and life in general become more and more harsh and difficult. But discovering what lives deep inside us, as our natural condition, requires fearless curiosity…

The potential for joy is always present in us but, like everything in life, that potential only becomes evident in relationship. We can’t analyze whether joy exists, or hope to discover it from a remote, isolated position.We have to be together. We have to be in service to one another to discover our essential goodness.

This is why people can discover joy even in the most horrific situations. They were together. (Perseverance, Margaret Wheatley, p.143)

Definitional Distinction

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compassion, guilt, light, Meg Wheatley, perseverance, regret, see clearly, The Sophia Center for Spirituality

Most people who know me are aware of my fondness for words – not that I prefer talking to silence, but I’m always interested in nuances and things making sense. This morning I read a page from Meg Wheatley’s book, Perseverance, that gave me pause and seems worth repeating. Her concluding paragraph is especially helpful for a Saturday of looking back to the past week and forward to the next.

There’s a fundamental distinction between guilt and regret. Guilt turns us inward, creating a cauldron of self-hatred that destroys us. People never act wisely from guilt – the intensity of emotions prevents discernment and right action.

Regret, on the other hand, does not disable us. It gives us the capacity to see clearly, to clarify our future, to change. We can vow not to repeat our mistakes, we can pay attention to what we’ve learned, we can focus our heart and mind on not causing harm again. We can develop greater insight into who we are, and move forward to become who we would like to be.

If guilt and shame are driving us inward, hopefully we can notice this direction and choose, even for a moment, to look outward. If we look out into the world, we will notice that millions of other people are, at this very moment, experiencing the same terrible feelings.

We can use this time of feeling badly about ourself to get beyond our self, and connect with all those other humans with whom we share this dark kinship. If our hearts open to them, what enters us is not more darkness, but the light of compassion. (p. 87)

Consequences

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Abram, consequences, generosity, Genesis, hearts, jealousy, Meg Wheatley, perseverance, Sarai, The Sophia Center for Spirituality

After reading today’s text from the lectionary (GN 16:6B-12, 15-16) about Sarai’s inability to have children and her acquiescence to Abram’s need for an heir, I found her decision to “give” her maidservant, Hagar, to him as his concubine rather surprising. Actually, it was her behavior after the decision that belied the seeming generosity of her decision. She was very abusive of Hagar when Hagar became pregnant! Serendipitously, without any effort on my part, (Does anything really happen “by chance?”) I opened Meg Wheatley’s book, Perseverance, and found the following:

Jealousy and generosity are reverse images of one another. In response to any circumstance, one or the other will arise, guaranteed. Since they inhabit the same space, only one can appear at any time; they cancel each other out. Jealousy arises as generosity disappears, generosity flourishes as jealousy is stilled…

As closely connected as jealousy and generosity are, they create very different consequences. If jealousy predominates, we turn inward, shrivel our hearts, and lose strength. If generosity grows, we grow also. Our world expands. We realize there is enough to go round…

The world expands from the inside out – it’s our hearts that have enlarged. We not only feel more loving, we’re also more open and aware. We see more, we take in more, we let in more.

Jealousy is such a waste of a good human heart. (p. 75)

What Does Greatness Mean?

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Bill McKibben, collaboration, competition, cooperation, Meg Wheatley, partnering, smaller, The Sophia Center for Spirituality, trials, Turning To One Another

Chief Seattle had it right when he spoke about the web of life of which we are all part – not creators but just a part. Meg Wheatley speaks of the competitive world of Western culture in similar fashion. Here’s what I read this morning that strengthens my conviction that collaboration is what we need now.

One of the biggest flaws in our approach to life is the Western belief that competition creates strong and healthy systems. Television screens are filled with images of animals locking horns in battle or ripping apart their prey. It is true that in any living system there are predators and prey, death and destruction. But competition among individuals and species is not the dominant way life works. It is always cooperation that increases over time in a living system. Life becomes stronger and more capable through systems of collaboration and partnering, not through competition.

It helps to read the entire essay about relationship with the earth in which Wheatley makes her argument (turning to one another, pp. 102-111) but the above paragraph is enough to get me thinking of all the bad results of excessive competition in business, sports and the relationships of daily life in our time. In situations of trial (like the present weather systems’ destruction and mass shootings) it is the cooperation of neighbors and charitable groups that helps people to survive physically and emotionally making the difference toward rebuilding their lives.

Meg Wheatley quotes Bill McKibben to reference the shift that I hope we see now as the way to go. See what you think.

The story of the twentieth century was finding out just how big and powerful we were. And it turns out that we’re big and powerful as all get out. The story of the twenty-first century is going to be finding out if we can figure out ways to get smaller or not. To see if we can summon the will, and then the way, to make ourselves somewhat smaller, and try to fit back into this planet.

Lighten Up!

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destination, direction, lighten up, Meg Wheatley, perseverance, perspective, The Sophia Center for Spirituality

Today I have a list of tasks as long as my arm! It’s likely I won’t finish the day having crossed them all off my list but it always helps me to have everything laid out at the beginning so as not to forget something important. I smiled, though, as I read Meg Wheatley’s advice in her little book, Perseverance (p. 20) where she quotes publisher James Gimian who says, “If you can’t get destination, go for direction.”

Wheatley expands on that thought by suggesting a way to proceed. “We could lighten up,” she says. “We could go for direction, not destination. We could invite in what the world seems to want for us, what it is offering us right here, right now. We could enjoy what we’ll see and discover when we take off the blinders of non-negotiable destination.”

That sounds to me like the perfect way to shift our whole perspective on the day, wouldn’t you say?

Christmas Anyone?

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do my best, Meg Wheatley, perseverance, success, The Sophia Center for Spirituality

I have a Christmas cactus that doesn’t seem concerned about the rules. It never blooms anywhere near Christmas. I woke up one day recently and noticed that there was an incipient bloom leaning against and propped up by one of the longer branches of the plant. There was no place for it to go as it was connected to a three-sectioned stem close to the dirt that fills the pot. (I’m hoping a picture will clarify this unhelpful description.) I had no expectation that this flower would be able to bloom as it was not free to bow and unfold in space. I pictured it as a stillborn child that would die as it lived – tightly closed in upon itself. (Those of you who are familiar with Christmas cactus know that their flowers usually bounce at the ends of each branch in increasing beauty during their lifespan.)

This morning as I was seeking help from Meg Wheatley in her book, Perseverance, I looked up and saw the first unfolding of my sweet flower! I was reading about success at the time and had just stopped to consider the following thought: “Can you accept as a measure of success that you kept showing up, day after day, even when you weren’t feeling helpful or effective?”

I don’t know what tomorrow will be like for me or the flower but I do know that, for today, her measure of success has motivated me to show up and do my best in whatever comes my way.

Just an Idea…

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conversation, hopeful, ideas, Meg Wheatley, The Sophia Center for Spirituality, Turning To One Another

Here’s a short “word” from Meg Wheatley that I read yesterday and heartily support. The question is whether or not you or I will take it to heart and act upon it.

I hope we can claim conversation as our route back to each other, and as the path forward to a hopeful future. It only requires imagination and courage and faith. These are qualities possessed by everyone. Now is the time to exercise them to their fullest. (Turning to One Another, p. 5)

Could it possibly be as simple as inviting a few people to meet to “kick around a few ideas,” making sure that at least one of them is a creative thinker, one someone who follows through on ideas and one who is known to you but not yet in your circle of friends? When you meet, bring along the quote from Meg Wheatley and see what happens. I’d be happy to hear about your success.

Choice

Tags

Buddhist, meditation, Meg Wheatley, noise, perseverance, silence, sound, The Sophia Center for Spirituality

I just read something that I first thought quite amusing but then I began to think about it as something more than a whimsical quote from Meg Wheatley (see Perseverance, p. 102) and it became a challenge to my way of thinking that puts me at the center of things. Here’s what I mean.

I love the times like yesterday afternoon when everyone who lives in our house is home doing whatever we do in an atmosphere of silence. It’s a very peaceful feeling of a communal spirit. (Ironically, some geese just flew by outside cackling wildly to disturb the morning silence.) I’m not saying I long for the days of enforced silence for most of our waking moments, but hearing the hammering of carpenters on our land or 18-wheel trucks zooming down the road can be disturbing. Then there’s the vacuum cleaner that makes me think I should be doing some household chore instead of reading in my room…but that’s another matter…and I digress. Here’s what I read:

A Buddhist teacher caught himself complaining about the loud party nearby that was disturbing his meditation. And then he had this insight. “Oh, the sound is just the sound. It is me who is going out to annoy it. If I leave the sound alone, it won’t annoy me. It’s just doing what it has to do. That’s what sound does. It makes sound. That is its job. So if I don’t go out to bother the sound, it’s not going to bother me. Aha!”