Fear

Tags

be not afraid, curious, end of life, fear, Hafiz, human, Meg Wheatley, perseverance, positive, present, spiritual tradition, Sufi, The Sophia Center for Spirituality

As often happens lately on Friday mornings, I sit down to write and wonder where the week went. Time seems to pass more quickly as we get older. People have told me that for years and I accepted it but now I know it from the inside. As a consequence of that thought, next comes a wondering about the stretch of life before me. How long will I be here? What will be my experiences, accomplishments, abilities? Will I maintain the health I have been blessed with? How will I face the end of my life?

To be honest, I rarely worry about the answers to those questions, primarily because I am trying to live in the present and because I trust that, whatever happens, divine grace will accompany me. I raise the topic today because of conversations I have had with older friends and with frequent reports of accidents and illnesses of others. As well, I opened Meg Wheatley’s book, Perseverance, this morning at random and the page that stared back at me was a reflection entitled Fear.

Normally I would shy away from talking about what are considered negative emotions because I prefer to stay in a positive mode of thinking, yet given the state of our country and my awareness of all the fear that is manifesting in personal and communal encounters lately I decided to read Wheatley’s comments and pass on what I found to be of value. As usual, I could just copy the entire entry – Meg Wheatley has a way of making good sense – but even the first few lines will do, I think. She says:

Fear is just part of human life. It’s so common that every great spiritual tradition includes the injunction: “Be not afraid.” If fear is this fundamental to being human, we can expect that we’ll feel afraid at times, perhaps even frequently. Yet when fear appears, we don’t have to worry that we’ve failed, or take it as a sign that we’re not as good as other people. In fact, we’re just like other people. Fear is simple evidence that we’re human. What’s important to decide is what to do with our fear…(p. 71)

The author suggests moving toward our fear, being curious about it, not asking why we’re afraid but rather investigating the feeling itself which can often dissipate the strength of the emotion in the process. Whether or not this is the way to proceed, my intent was simply to bring the topic to our consciousness for examination in our own lives, having been reminded that fear is, in fact, just part of living on earth. To conclude, I do want to add the quote that is a standard feature of every topic in Wheatley’s book, this one a short word from the 14th century Sufi poet Hafiz. It made me smile. He says:

Fear is the cheapest room in the house. I would like to see you living in better conditions.

 

 

 

 

 

 

It’s Our Turn

Tags

change, defeat, discouraged, fail, failures, Genesis, Joseph, Meg Wheatley, mercy, mistakes, perseverance, slavery, stuck, The Sophia Center for Spirituality, unconditional love

Today’s first reading from the Book of Genesis tells the story of world-wide famine and the fact that Joseph, the boy whose brothers had sold him into slavery, used the power he had gained as governor of Egypt to feed starving people everywhere. It’s when his brothers appear before him that Joseph has his most important moment. It’s one of the great mercy stories of the Hebrew Scriptures and has many lessons to teach. (GEN 41-42)

Most of us won’t have the opportunity to sit in such a place of power and decide whether to be merciful or vengeful to those who have harmed us but we would be wise to practice unconditional love on a daily basis so we will assure our ability to act toward others as God would act when tests of our “mercy quotient” arise. Meg Wheatley had some comforting words this morning for the times when I – and all of us – are not as successful in life as we would hope to be.

When we fail, which of course we often will, we don’t have to feel discouraged. Instead, we can look into our mistakes and failures for the valuable learnings they contain. And we can be open to opportunities and help that present themselves, even when they’re different from what we thought we needed. We can follow the energy of “Yes!” rather than accepting defeat or getting stuck in a plan.

This is how the world always changes. Everyday people not waiting for someone else to fix things or come to their rescue, but simply stepping forward, working together, figuring out how to make things better.

Now it’s our turn. (Perseverance, p.13)

 

 

 

 

 

Fully Human

Tags

call, generosity, human, Meg Wheatley, open-hearted, Paulo Freire, purpose, purpose-filled, receive, religious life, The Sophia Center for Spirituality, Turning To One Another, vocation

The word “vocation” is sitting under many of my thoughts these days as I walk through this 50th year of religious life. It surfaces each time a gathering comes along where I am called to answer the question, “How are you?” asked by people who haven’t seen me in awhile. It comes from the Latin verb meaning to call and as a noun is used to define our work in life. Meg Wheatley quotes Paulo Freire, a Brazilian and world educator who often said that we have a “vocation to be fully human.” She goes on from there to give some thoughts worthy of pondering. See what you think.

We don’t decide what our vocation is, she says, we receive it. It always originates from outside us. Therefore, we can’t talk about vocation or a calling without acknowledging that there is something going on beyond our narrow sense of self. It helps remind us that there’s more than just me, that we’re part of a larger and purpose-filled place.

Even if we don’t use the word vocation, most of us want to experience a sense of purpose to our lives…I believe we become more fully human with any gesture of generosity, any time we reach out to another rather than withdraw into our individual suffering. To become fully human we need to keep opening our hearts, no matter what. At this time when suffering and anxiety continue to increase, when there is always reason to weep for some unbearable tragedy inflicted by one human on another, I try to remember to keep my heart open.

In my own experience, I notice I like myself better when I am generous and open-hearted. I don’t like myself when I’m afraid of others or angry at them…At those times, I don’t feel more human but less. I become more fully human only when I extend myself. This is how I define for myself what it means to have a vocation to be fully human. (Turning To One Another, pp. 58, 59)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Non-Denial

Tags

consciousness, curious, denial, distress, engaged, facts, guidance, inertia, information, intelligent, isolation, Meg Wheatley, messages, Non-Denial, open, Peace, perseverance, reality, responsible engagement, signals, The Sophia Center for Spirituality

I was thinking yesterday how easy it is from here in our lovely, peace-filled location in rural Upstate New York to ignore all the turmoil in the world and in our country. If I don’t wish to allow the distress into my consciousness, I can just avoid watching or listening to or reading the news and go about my days in isolation. While I know that is not a valid choice for me, it is occasionally a temptation. I was reminded this morning of my need to be awake and aware by a page from Meg Wheatley’s book, Perseverance, that I will quote below in its entirety as a call to all of us to resist the pull of inertia in favor of responsible engagement in whatever way we are able to contribute to raising the level of light in the world. (This includes a willingness to discriminate between “fake news” and truth.) The page is entitled Non-Denial. It is not a message to be read quickly and dismissed. I would recommend reading it, as I plan to, several times, and seeking examples from our own life of applications for the message.

Looking reality in the eye is an interesting experience. Often, people are startled to realize how much information they have been avoiding, and how much information is out there, waiting to be useful.

“Facts are friendly,” a psychologist once said, but most of us don’t see it this way. We move away from all the information that’s available, we retreat into denial. It’s the way we keep our world intact and avoid being challenged or threatened. If we can just hold onto our opinions and views, the world will continue to work just fine, thank you very much.

We get led into the practice of non-denial by failure and defeat. When we have no choice, we seem to get curious. When our back is against the wall, finally we’re willing to look at all the messages we had avoided. This isn’t a graceful process. But when we’re ready to open to the signals, guidance, and information that have been swirling around us, ignored and unnoticed, it’s amazing what we learn.

And it’s remarkable what capacities we develop. Absorbing these messages, we suddenly see things differently. We discover solutions not available from our former position. We experience surprise, sometimes delight, sometimes despair that we didn’t notice things earlier. But the end result is that we become more open, more engaged, and more intelligent.

We learn where we are. From here much more is possible.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Middle

Tags

behaviors, compromise, consensus, curiousity, extremes, hulility, Luke, Meg Wheatley, middle, perseverance, polarities, strong emotions, The Sophia Center for Spirituality

one caucasian family father mother daughter dispute screaming in silhouette studio isolated on white background

Blessed are they who have kept the word with a generous heart and yield a harvest through perseverance. (See LK 8:15)

Good advice from this gospel acclamation for today sent me on a search that was quickly satisfied. Not being otherwise inspired by the Scriptures for the day, I turned toward my reference shelf located just beside the chair I’m sitting in. My eye fell (of course) on the perfect answer, Meg Wheatley’s book Perseverance! I opened to a page called “Middle.” It rang enough bells in the six short paragraphs to make me want to send out the whole thing – but maybe snippets will suffice.

We live in a world of extremes and polarities. People take positions at the far edge of an issue and then scream across the distance they created…Living at the extreme consumes enormous resources. We spend energy on justifying our position, on attacking our enemy, on defending our ground, on protecting our position… Somewhere in all the furor and drama, we’ve lost sight of the middle. Yet it’s in the middle where the possibilities reside. Some call the middle “compromise” or “consensus” – terms which have come to mean failure, mediocrity and loss. We don’t remember meeting in the middle as anything but negative.

Perhaps because we’re so addicted to strong emotions and loud noises to motivate us, we no longer seek the quiet space of center. But all spiritual traditions speak of moderation, harmony, balance – the middle way.

One way to rediscover middle is to notice your everyday behaviors. Notice where you’re positioned on an issue important to you. Are you sitting out on one side, justifying your behavior, assuming you’re right and others are wrong? Or are you open to the possibility that you can’t see very well from where you’re sitting, that you don’t know all the facts in the case?

Humility and curiosity are what shift us to center. Just by being curious we move toward the middle ground, with its fertile promise of new ideas and new relationships.

Unable to be comfortable leaving out more than a few sentences of the page, I hope it is something that’s helpful for all of us as we seek to move toward common ground. Remember perseverance!

Curiosity

Tags

beliefs, conversation, curiousity, deep listening, interactions, Meg Wheatley, reflection, spiritual practice, The Sophia Center for Spirituality, Turning To One Another

Yesterday I was able to meet with my monthly “spiritual practices circle” for the first time this year. It was a lovely way to spend a slice of the day and a renewal of my conviction about the importance of deep listening and conversation. I was taken back to that privileged time this morning as I read some of Meg Wheatley’s comments in her book, Turning to One Another. Her point is something to remember in the complex and tumultuous times in which we live. I offer her words as a reflection that may open us in new ways  in our interactions with others today – or any day.

It is very difficult to give up our certainties – our positions, our beliefs, our explanations. These help define us; they lie at the heart of our personal identity. Yet I believe we will succeed in changing this world only if we can think and work together in new ways. Curiosity is what we need. We don’t have to let go of what we believe, but we do need to be curious about what someone else believes. We do need to acknowledge that their way of interpreting the world might be essential to our survival…

To be curious about how someone else interprets things, we have to be willing to admit that we’re not capable of figuring things out alone. If our solutions don’t work as well as we want them to, if our explanations of why something happened don’t feel sufficient, it’s time to begin asking others what they see and think. When so many interpretations are available, I can’t understand why we would be satisfied with superficial conversations where we pretend to agree with one another. (p. 35)

 

 

 

 

 

Thinking Is NOT Over-rated!

Tags

changing, chatter, clarity, commitment, courage, Holiday, ideas, Meg Wheatley, mindless, New Year's, resolutions, sorrowful, The Sophia Center for Spirituality, think, Turning To One Another, wasted moments, world

It seems strange that today is a holiday. Who ever thinks of January 2nd as special (except those whose birthdays or anniversaries are today)? Perhaps it’s always like that when New Year’s Day falls on Sunday, and maybe I had the same thought seven years ago but I don’t remember. Anyway, today feels like being given an extra ticket to an event and I don’t want to waste it. I haven’t settled on any resolutions for this year yet. All I know is that whatever I say I will do or be, I need to be seriously committed to carry it out. Conditions seem more serious in the world than ever before so I feel a need to be equally serious in my deliberations.

I’ve had a rare stretch of “down time” over the past few weeks – first because of that nasty cold that so many of us have contracted and then with quiet holidays and cold weather. Those conditions have been quite conducive to thinking and reading. Meg Wheatley has what seems an interesting thought for the day regarding this topic and a possible focus for me today. She says:

If we feel we’re changing in ways we don’t like, or seeing things in the world that make us sorrowful, then we need to time to think about this. We need time to think about what we might do and where we might start to change things. We need time to develop clarity and courage. If we want our world to be different, our first act needs to be reclaiming time to think. Nothing will change for the better until we do that. (Turning To One Another, p.99)

What might this mean for me? I think perhaps I will need to let go more deliberately of the mindless chatter inside my head and the wasted moments clicking on celebrity stories that show up on my computer when I’m in the process of reading the headlines. If these two things become disciplines, I might have more time and energy for deeper thinking and the reading that will lead – eventually – to more useful ideas about change in myself and in the world around me. Here’s hoping!

Being Disturbed

Tags

beliefs, challenged, curious, disturbed, holidays, ideas, identity, Meg Wheatley, Turning To One Another

I probably should have said something gleaned from Meg Wheatley’s book, Turning to One Another before the holidays started since so many of us were on our way to gatherings during these days. If close to home, we are probably back in our own space by now, safe in our daily routines. For some, today may be a travel day, perhaps an unlikely time to be on the internet – unless stuck in an airport, of course. Anyway, I wasn’t feeling as if I had anything to say this morning that was worthy of note but, since I needed a companion for my second cup of coffee, I pulled Meg Wheatley off the shelf and opened to a section named willing to be disturbed. Although the entire section is worthy of note, the beginning caught my eye immediately. I will only submit to you the first paragraph and a short addendum but once again, I offer the book as one to review on a regular basis because her words are relevant, it seems, to whatever day we find them in – ordinary or not.

As we work together to restore hope to the future, we need to include a new and strange ally – our willingness to be disturbed. Our willingness to have our beliefs and ideas challenged by what others think. No one person or perspective can give us the answers we need to the problems of today. Paradoxically, we can only find those answers by admitting we don’t know. We have to be willing to let go of our certainty and expect ourselves to be confused for a time…

It is very difficult to give up our certainties – our positions, our beliefs, our explanations. These help define us; they lie at the heart of our personal identity. Yet I believe we will succeed in changing this world only if we can think and work together in new ways. Curiosity is what we need. We don’t have to let go of what we believe, but we do need to be curious about what someone else believes. We do need to acknowledge that their way of interpreting the world might be essential to our survival. (p. 34-35)

 

 

 

 

 

 

Big Love

Tags

bad news, big love, curious, engaged, example, humanity, Hurricane Matthew, listen, love, Meg Wheatley, open our hearts, pain, pray, quiet, reality of pain, The Sophia Center for Spirituality, Turning To One Another, world

I am probably going to sound like a broken record today but in the face of all the “bad news” that greeted me when I turned on my computer this morning, I can’t help it. It would be easy to stay frozen in my rocking chair and figuratively “bury my head in the sand” knowing all the devastation of hurricane Matthew thus far in the Caribbean and anticipating “his” arrival in the United States or reading so many e-mails asking prayers for loved ones diagnosed with terminal diseases. I won’t even begin to talk about politics and the state of our nation! For solace I turned to Meg Wheatley. She quoted Sharon Salzberg’s concise dictum that I believe could solve everything if we could just intuit the depth of meaning in it and choose to embrace it fully. Salzberg says:

Only love is big enough to hold all the pain in this world.

She doesn’t say that love is big enough to minimize the pain or eradicate the pain or (God forbid) help us ignore the pain. She calls us to see that only in recognizing and being willing to embrace the reality of pain in our lives and in the larger world in solidarity with each other will we be able to endure. Meg Wheatley then adds, I think of a gesture of love as anything we do that helps others discover their humanity. Any act where we turn to one another. Open our hearts. Extend ourselves. Listen. Any time we’re patient. Curious. Quiet. Engaged…I feel we become more fully human through our generosity, when we extend to another rather than withdraw into ourselves. (Turning to One Another, p. 138)

It’s okay to start small. Read the news. Pray for one situation, one person to get better. Make a phone call to use your voice for good. Show up when it counts. Be a good example to a teenager. Get used to practicing until “big love” is the only way you can imagine living, even though it is not the easiest way to live.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Here I Go Again!

Tags

courage, deep conversation, discern, discussions, foundation, heart, life's purpose, meal sharing, Meg Wheatley, ritual, St. Joseph's Provincial House, The Sophia Center for Spirituality, travel, Turning To One Another, wisdom work

I’m awake early today, making lists already for what I need to remember. I’m leaving later today for a week of travel that will place me at three different locations for three important conversations. It begins tomorrow at a reunion celebration with the women who arrived at St. Joseph’s Provincial House fifty years ago seeking to test a vocation to religious life. Some of us found that by God’s miraculous grace we stayed; others left us over the years to find their life’s purpose elsewhere. We will be happy to hear their stories tomorrow as we gather for ritual and sharing of a meal. By tomorrow evening I will be on a plane traveling half-way across the country to meet with other women. Eight of us have been privileged to be together several times over the past two years in prayer and purpose, designing processes for all of our Sisters (nearly 1,000 still) to discern a future that will see us as a smaller number but still strong to serve. Our efforts have been blessed by the participation of hearts and minds willing to jump in and speak to each other about vision, fears and fearlessness as we look ahead to a future that only God can know in the present. The end of my journey will bring me back East to New Hampshire by next weekend for different but just as worthy discussions. We six are the advisors to the trustee of our dear departed friend, Helen, whose gift of her fortune has facilitated the spread of “Wisdom Work” in the past four years to a degree that we could never have imagined. We have eight proposals to consider for the next calendar year, which may be the last. It was Helen’s desire that her money be dispersed within five years and it seems that she judged it correctly! Perhaps we may need to continue (and Helen’s wish was not a command). We won’t know until we sit together – again in prayer and deep conversation – to come to clarity on what projects are in keeping with her intent and vision.

I write all of the above this morning because of the unusual conjunction of events which are all bound together by a foundation of deep and meaningful conversation. I have been struck often lately by the power of that form of communication, seeing that no matter the type of gathering – be it business or pleasure – “success” of any encounter depends on deep listening to and response from all the parties involved. Meg Wheatley has lots to say about that; specifically today I heard the following:

Where can we find the courage to start a good conversation? The answer is found in the word itself. Courage comes from the Old French word for heart (cuer). We develop courage for those things that speak to our heart. Our courage grows for things that affect us deeply, things that open our hearts. Once our heart is engaged, it is easy to be brave. (Turning to One Another, p. 25)

I am eager for the coming week as I know hearts from around this country will be engaged in each of the three events to come. Mine is already anticipating the joy of our presence to one another. I’ll let you know how it goes.