Love Expands Us

Tags

generosity, jealousy, love, Meg Wheatley, perseverance, Sisters of St. Joseph, The Sophia Center for Spirituality

Because I lingered in the kitchen with my coffee this morning, it’s already 9:30 and the day is in full swing. Lots of activities await. How to go about everything is the question. I will likely need to make a list! On days like this I just try to breathe—especially if everyone else is about their own tasks and seeming focused. It is a luxury to sit looking out my window at a gloriously fresh morning, hearing the birds all across the expanse of our property and beyond. They are perhaps the busiest of all, if not the loudest!

Needing help, I turn to Meg Wheatley and am stopped on the quote that introduces a page entitled “Jealousy.” Scientist Humberto Maturana says:

Love is the only emotion that expands intelligence.

I was about to leave it at that and let you fend for yourself but then I thought about our weekend and the wonderful experience of our leadership selections. The generosity of the Sisters who offered themselves to us in service for the next five years was extraordinary. Most universal and important in their presentations were their expressions of love for our Congregation. It gave me pause to consider Meg Wheatley’s reflection on jealousy and generosity that expanded on the Maturana quote.

She says: When something good happens to someone else – another organization wins a grant, a friend gets a promotion, someone else gets the opportunity we wanted – we can activate either emotion. We can question whether there’s enough to go around. We can wonder whose need is greater, or just assume that we needed it more. We can be happy for their good fortune, or bemoan the loss of ours.

As closely as jealousy and generosity are, they create very different consequences. If jealousy dominates, we turn inward, shrivel our hearts, and lose strength. If generosity grows, we grow also. Our world expands. We realize there’s enough to go around. We realize we don’t need everything we thought we did. The world in general feels more reliable, more trustworthy, more enjoyable.

The world expands from the inside out – it’s our hearts that have enlarged. We not only feel more loving, we’re also more open and aware. We see more, we take in more, we let in more.

Jealousy is such a waste of a good human heart. (Perseverance, p. 74-5)

So on we go, Sisters of St, Joseph, founded to be “the Congregation of the Great Love of God.”

Consequences

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Abram, consequences, generosity, Genesis, hearts, jealousy, Meg Wheatley, perseverance, Sarai, The Sophia Center for Spirituality

After reading today’s text from the lectionary (GN 16:6B-12, 15-16) about Sarai’s inability to have children and her acquiescence to Abram’s need for an heir, I found her decision to “give” her maidservant, Hagar, to him as his concubine rather surprising. Actually, it was her behavior after the decision that belied the seeming generosity of her decision. She was very abusive of Hagar when Hagar became pregnant! Serendipitously, without any effort on my part, (Does anything really happen “by chance?”) I opened Meg Wheatley’s book, Perseverance, and found the following:

Jealousy and generosity are reverse images of one another. In response to any circumstance, one or the other will arise, guaranteed. Since they inhabit the same space, only one can appear at any time; they cancel each other out. Jealousy arises as generosity disappears, generosity flourishes as jealousy is stilled…

As closely connected as jealousy and generosity are, they create very different consequences. If jealousy predominates, we turn inward, shrivel our hearts, and lose strength. If generosity grows, we grow also. Our world expands. We realize there is enough to go round…

The world expands from the inside out – it’s our hearts that have enlarged. We not only feel more loving, we’re also more open and aware. We see more, we take in more, we let in more.

Jealousy is such a waste of a good human heart. (p. 75)

Jealousy

Tags

change, David, envy, friends, Goliath, gratitude, honesty, jealousy, King Saul, same, Samuel, The Sophia Center for Spirituality, truth

Jealousy is a very dangerous trait in a person. It seems to me a bit more serious than envy although it appears in the dictionary as envy’s synonym. I might be envious of someone’s good looks or good luck but, if I have a positive attitude about my own life, I don’t spend a lot of time comparing my lot with those of others. If jealousy takes hold of my life, however, it can lead to wishing harm to others – sometimes instigating events that will cause very bad things to happen.

In this morning’s lectionary reading from the first book of Samuel (1 SM 18:6-9, 19:1-7) we read about what seems like a childish attitude on the part of King Saul who is returning from a great victory over the Philistines. At his side was David, the hero that we know from his fame with his slingshot; he used it to slay the giant, Goliath. Everyone was singing and dancing as Saul and David approached. Unfortunately, the lyrics to their song (“Saul has slain his thousands and David his ten thousands”) planted the seed of jealousy in Saul and as it grew he feared that David would take over the kingship of Israel.

It’s always good to have a friend who can see such a situation honestly and speak the truth to the parties. In this case it was fortuitous because Jonathan was both Saul’s son and David’s friend. Well-placed to see the situation as it truly was, Jonathan convinced Saul (for the moment at least) that David had been a faithful servant, desiring nothing but the good of the nation and, in fact, had helped Saul very much by his deeds.

Two adages come to mind as I think about applications of this story for us. The French are known to say: Plus ca change, plus c’est la meme chose (The more things change, the more they stay the same) and in English we hear that it was ever thus. In our culture of today, there is so much pressure to get ahead, to be the best (which means the most successful or the richest), to climb to the top of the corporate ladder – as well as to be the best-dressed, most glamorous, the richest. We do well to cultivate the qualities of honesty, gratitude and the willingness to be satisfied with what we have and who we are. Oh yes, and don’t forget to thank God for good friends!

 

 

 

 

 

Jealousy

Tags

competition, consequences, generosity, heart, jealousy, Meg Wheatley, perseverance, The Sophia Center for Spirituality

I had a conversation recently with someone who had received word that an old friend had died. They had lost touch some years ago, primarily perhaps because this younger woman was not able to allow what she saw as competition for the “best friend” designation in the relationship. We spoke of the sad and destructive power of jealousy. I was reminded of the conversation this morning by Meg Wheatley as I opened to a page on the subject of jealousy from her book, Perseverance. I thought it a worthy topic for reflection since the subtlety of its appearance can cause great harm if we don’t pay attention to our feelings and recognize the need to cultivate its opposite: generosity. Here’s what she says:

Jealousy and generosity are reverse images of one another. In response to any circumstance one or the other will arise, guaranteed. Since they inhabit the same space, only one can appear at any time; they cancel each other out. Jealousy arises as generosity disappears, generosity flourishes as jealousy is stilled…

As closely connected as jealousy and generosity are, they create very different consequences. If jealousy predominates, we turn inward, shrivel our hearts, and lose strength. If generosity grows, we grow also. Our world expands. We realize there’s enough to go round. We realize we don’t need everything we thought we did. The world in general feels more reliable, more trustworthy, more enjoyable…

The world expands from the inside out – it’s our hearts that have enlarged. We not only feel more loving, we’re also more open and aware. We see more, we take in more, we let in more.

Jealousy is such a waste of a good human heart.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Of Brothers and Sisters

Tags

a difficult surrender, Genesis, human relations, inheritance, jealousy, Joseph, Matthew, siblings, The Sophia Center for Spirituality

About three weeks ago my sister wrote asking for prayers for a friend whose beloved sister had just been diagnosed with terminal cancer. Last night I had an email from her friend that was titled “Update” and was shocked upon opening it to find Camille’s obituary. The reality of losing a sibling came a bit closer at that moment.

This morning’s first reading (Gn:37:3-28) begins to tell the story of Joseph whose father loved him “best of all his sons, for he was the child of his old age.” We all know the story of the brothers throwing Joseph into the cistern in a plot to kill him because of their jealousy but selling him instead to a passing caravan. The tables turn in the end to a happy conclusion for Joseph and – luckily for them – for his brothers. The gospel is similar but more violent as the son of a landowner is killed by tenants seeking his inheritance. (MT 21:33-46) In both stories, the expectation that perpetrators could not possibly disrespect a beloved child of a father is proved false.

I am left sitting this morning with thoughts of the complexity in human relations, mourning for Connie’s sister and for the loss that her family is experiencing and saddened that jealousy can – and does – play such a role in families even today. Whether because of money or levels of affection, personality or birth order, lives can be damaged and families fractured in many ways.

All I can do, I suppose, is offer gratitude for the harmony and love among my siblings, pray for those who have not been so blessed and take every opportunity to listen and help those who are suffering in situations of brokenness, offering them the love that is missing in their lives to the extent possible. What I know for sure is that offering my inability to solve the problems of others is a difficult surrender, a lesson still to be embraced.

Climbing trees

Tags

Christ, heart of faith, jealousy, Jesus, judgment, Luke, sinner, tax collector, The Sophia Center for Spirituality, zaccheus

When I was a child we lived near a park with some extraordinary trees – extraordinary because either their branches touched the ground and provided us with a cave-like playhouse or there were some low branches that allowed us to begin an exhilarating climb! These days all the branches of our extraordinary trees are too high for climbing so I just admire them from below.

In today’s gospel (LK 19:1-10) Zacchaeus, a short, wealthy tax collector, took the brave (some would call it foolish) step of climbing a tree in order to see Jesus who was passing through Jericho where Zacchaeus lived. There’s nothing indicating that Jesus knew Zacchaeus before this visit, but when Jesus looked up and saw him in the tree, he addressed him by name, saying, “Zacchaeus, come down quickly, for today I must stay at your house.” Zacchaeus didn’t hesitate but descended swiftly and “received him with joy.” There wasn’t much joy in the crowd, however, as they grumbled about Jesus choosing to visit “a sinner” like their collector of taxes. It seems that there are three things to be aware of here: 1. the enthusiasm and quick response of Zacchaeus to the invitation of Jesus, 2. the very public choice of Zacchaeus by Jesus, 3. the jealousy and judgment of the other inhabitants of Jericho.

My questions are: 1. What am I willing to do in order to “see Jesus” today? 2. What am I willing to risk in public in order to follow the heart of my faith? 3. Am I judgmental and/or jealous at the good fortune of others depending on my assessment of their worthiness? Lots to think about here…