Searching for Words

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circumstances, decisions, Kathleen Deignan, necessity, The Sophia Center for Spirituality, Thomas Merton, Thomas Merton: A Book of Hours

Today feels like a turning toward necessity. How to describe that, I’m really not certain. The meaning feels just below or above the the surface of things so rather than trust my own words, I turn to Thomas Merton because his prose often pushes me deeper or higher. In the “Friday, Day” section of A Book of Hours I find the following:

Wrestling quietly with the circumstances of my life. There is an attitude to be taken, there are decisions to be made. There is a radical refusal demanded of me somewhere and I do not know where it begins and ends and how to approach it.

God makes us ask ourselves questions most often when He intends to resolve them. He gives us needs that He alone can satisfy and awakens capacities that He means to fulfill. Any perplexity is liable to be a spiritual gestation, leading to a new birth and mystical generation.

(Thomas Merton: A Book of Hours. Kathleen Deignan, p.171-172)

Potential Saints

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compassion, decisions, potential, saint, Saint Francesco Antonio Fasani, saints, The Sophia Center for Spirituality

Recognized (canonized) saints all used to be well-known by their heroic, holy lives. I’m happier now to hear about saints I’ve never encountered because it seems more possible to imitate them simply by living a good life. Today’s entry in the Franciscan Media’s litany is a good example and the reflection about Saint Francesco Antonio Fasani points up what I mean. Don’t get me wrong. I’m always happy to celebrate people like Pope St. John XXIII or St. Joseph, but it’s good to remember there’s potential in all of us as long as our goal is not recognition but rather sincerity and deep love. Here’s how the short biography of Francesco reads.

Eventually we become what we choose. If we choose stinginess, we become stingy. If we choose compassion, we become compassionate. The holiness of Francesco Antonio Fasani resulted from his many small decisions to cooperate with God’s grace.

Yes, there was a short listing of his life’s works and how he accomplished them but the above paragraph was, for me, a telling conclusion. It seems self-evident that becoming a saint – if only in an “unsung” category – is possible for all of us. That fact could change everything about our striving, don’t you think? It really could be just our attitude and motivation about “the little things in life.” And that, my friends, puts us all in the running for sainthood!

Listening With Your Heart

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Benedictine, choice, debate, decisions, Joan Chittister, listening, pray for wisdom, spirituality, The Sophia Center for Spirituality, voice of God, Wisdom Distilled from the Daily

I felt I needed to check news headlines this morning as I had been rather “out of the loop” during a whirlwind week playing “catch-up” with myself. It was an interesting few minutes. Most of what I read were a number of interpretations of the debate performances of one or all of the ten top candidates of the Democratic Party for our next President of the U.S.A. Everyone has an opinion and, although I do realize many of the reporters do their “homework” before, during and after events such as these, I will now be better off reading transcripts of what they really said and following my own heart in making decisions. I would wish for some face-to-face time with each one of those still standing but will have to settle for replays and reflection for the next several months.

After my foray into the news headlines I spent some time with Joan Chittister’s Wisdom Distilled from the Daily. Sister Joan always has a way of pulling me back into my own head and heart with just the right words. (I would do well to support her for some lofty political office, I think.) Here’s what she said that, by way of analogy, reinforced my confidence this morning.

Benedictine spirituality is, then, the spirituality of an open heart…At one point in the monastic life, I was sure that knowing the Rule and practicing its practices was the secret of a holy life. Now I know that knowing the document will never suffice for listening to the voice of God wherever it may be found. No longer do I hope that someday, somehow, I will have accumulated enough listening so that there will be no further questions about pious practices that can easily be learned. Now I have only a burning commitment to those qualities of the spiritual life that must be learned if I am to grow. (p.24-25)

It’s far-fetched perhaps as a way to proceed in winnowing the political field for office, but I do think there is a relevance in Sister Joan’s comments. It’s up to me to go beyond the words offered by the candidates, to feel their motivations and check their past and present actions for what is really the make-up of their agenda – to the best of my ability, of course. And in the end, to pray for wisdom and the best hope for the future of our country.

What Time Is It?

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decisions, ending, expectation, future, gratitude, letting go, live in the present moment, memories, The Sophia Center for Spirituality, timing, unknown, Wisdom School, wisdom way

I have started this post three times in the past two minutes and am grateful for the technology that includes a “delete” button. It’s not that I have one thought stream; rather, there are too many words rumbling around in my head with no clear way to express anything. This happens sometimes when too much is going on and especially as I prepare to travel. It’s as if I need to be sure I have everything taken care of before I leave, especially remembering (of course) what needs to go with me.

Today is a moment when memories and expectations abound and I will need to remain fully conscious of the present. At noon we will close what has been a six-year series of “wisdom schools” and this evening I will leave for a meeting in St. Paul, Minnesota that is preliminary to decision-making about our (Sisters of St. Joseph) future. It is as if I am in a room with two doors leading in different directions, knowing that it isn’t time yet to open either one. Behind the first door is an immense quantity of gratitude for the work we (my colleagues Bill and Deborah and myself) have been privileged to do, tinged with a bit of sadness for the ending, although the timing is surely correct. Behind the other door is the unknown future of our dynamic, yet aging, community of women who sit in a moment of “not yet” and try to envision a worthy future for us and those who will be called to join us.

It isn’t always easy to let go of outcome and just live in the moment we are experiencing. Today that will be my most important task and it begins right now. I trust that these years of training and practice in the “wisdom way” will serve to allow both doors to open in their own time and that life will go on as it should. Amen. (So be it.)

 

 

 

 

 

 

Call and Response

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Advent, be ready, choices, decisions, fishermen, Jesus, journey, Luke, Messiah, Simon Peter, St. Andrew, St. Peter, stay awake, The Sophia Center for Spirituality, vocation

I was slow this morning to answer the wake up call of my alarm. Perhaps it was the cold (20F degrees) or the fading dream that made me want just a little more time under the blankets. After surrendering to the morning 15 minutes later, armed with my first cup of hot coffee, I went to read about St. Andrew, the saint of the day. I found what I already knew: that Andrew was the brother of Simon Peter, a fisherman, called as one of the first disciples. There was virtually no other information about Andrew personally, except that he was the one, before the miracle of the loaves and fishes, who spoke up about the boy who had some food with him. We only have legend to tell that he preached the gospel to people in what is now Greece and Turkey and was crucified at Patras, now the third largest city in Greece.

Not satisfied, I dug a little deeper by reviewing all the canonical gospel stories of Andrew. In the gospels of Matthew and Mark, his call to be a disciple is recounted in the same way. Jesus is walking along the Sea of Galilee and sees Andrew with his brother, Simon, plying their trade as fishermen and calls both of them with the direct, if strange invitation: Follow me and I will make you fishers of men. In Luke’s gospel, the spotlight is on Simon Peter, who has a conversation about his unworthiness to be offered such a call by Jesus; Andrew is not mentioned until chapter six where the entire group of apostles is named. John’s version of the story is altogether different as Andrew becomes a major player. Originally a disciple of John the Baptist, Andrew and another disciple of John are present when Jesus again walks into their midst the day after John first recognizes Jesus as God’s Chosen One. They follow Jesus and when he turns around to ask what they’re looking for, they answer with a question: “Rabbi, where do you stay?” At the invitation to “Come and see,” they go along. After spending the day with Jesus, the first thing Andrew does is to seek out his brother Simon to tell him, “We have found the Messiah!” Then he brings Simon to Jesus.

All of this made me consider the notion of call and where it leads when it is heard. How was it that I came to know my vocation in life? Did it grow organically or was it a lightning bolt that shifted my perspective on everything? Did someone invite me to something I had not considered or introduce me to someone who changed my life direction? Did I hear a lecture or take a course that made things fall into place for me? And what have been the events/circumstances that have occasioned the less dramatic decisions in my life, the everyday choices I have made? How do I keep on the path every day?

In this season of Advent, when the call to “Stay awake!” and “Be ready!” is the daily message, we would do well to think on these things and sharpen our ear to hear what might be a next step on our journey.

A Complicated Life

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bishop, conscientous objector, convictions, decisions, faith, soldier, St. Martin of Tours, The Sophia Center for Spirituality

All I ever knew of St. Martin of Tours was a line I learned in elementary school: Martin of Tours battled the Moors in 732. Today is his feast day and this morning I was shocked to read Martin’s biography to find that he died in 397! Since elementary school is a vague memory for me, I must conclude that we were taught that the battle with the Moorish troops was won under the protection of Martin, who actually was a soldier who subsequently founded a monastery close to where this battle was fought. Although disappointed in my search for some closer connection of the stories, I thought it interesting, on this holiday when we pay homage to veterans, that St. Martin was a man who was conscripted into the army when he was 15 years old and after some years of service lobbied to be released as what we would call today a conscientious objector.

It seems that Martin resisted much in his life but was strong in his convictions and his faith. The son of pagan parents, americancatholic.org says of him that he lived more like a monk than a soldier, only discharged from the army after great difficulties to become a monk. He was a monk who was maneuvered into being a bishop, a bishop who fought paganism as well as pleaded for mercy for heretics…It seems that the people of Tours demanded that he become their bishop, brought to the church by a ruse – the need of a sick person – where he reluctantly allowed himself to be consecrated bishop.

There are great stories of Martin but what drew me most powerfully this morning was the comment at the end of the biography that I read. I repeat it now because I have been immersed in such thoughts lately and I think it is worthy of our attention. Martin’s worry about cooperation with evil reminds us that almost nothing is either all black or all white. The saints are not creatures of another world. They face the same perplexing decisions that we do. Any decision of conscience always involves some risk. If we choose to go north, we may never know what would have happened had we gone east, west or south. A hyper-cautious withdrawal from all perplexing situations is not the virtue of prudence; it is, in fact, a bad decision, for “not to decide is to decide.”

Truth-telling

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decisions, integrity, John, passing the buck, Pontius Pilate, testify to the truth, The Passion of Jesus Christ, The Sophia Center for Spirituality

Today we read the Passion account from John’s gospel (18:1-19:42) which spends quite a bit of time describing the verbal exchanges between Jesus and Pontius Pilate. Clearly, Pilate found no reason to condemn Jesus to death and he tried many ways to free him but the crowds would have none of his arguments. In the end, Pilate could not withstand the pressure and was not able to “do the right thing” in using his authority to free Jesus – so he compromised his integrity by “passing the buck” and making no decision at all.

We are often confronted by decisions that are difficult to make for many reasons and sometimes it’s easier just to abdicate responsibility and allow others to do what they want even as we disagree. This certainly was not the way of Jesus. He challenged everyone to integrity. A telling verse in the gospel today is one that bears reflection. He says, in answer to Pilate: “For this I was born and for this I came into the world, to testify to the truth.” He could not live at any moment in any other way. What about us?