The Grace of Aging

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aging, long life, savor life, St. John Paul II, The Sophia Center for Spirituality

Today in the universal Church, Roman Catholics everywhere (and others of many faiths) celebrate the feast of Pope John Paul II, now a canonized saint, well-known and remembered for his long and active stint as Pope. A vibrant middle-aged man in 1978, he spent 27 years “globe-trotting” to 124 countries and did much to improve relations with other denominations of Christians as well as with the Muslim world. His biography is replete with accomplishments for which he is well-known everywhere. We watched him age for almost three decades and many people wondered toward the end of his life why he did not give up the papacy to one who was more able.

Today, in reflecting on his life, I think of our elderly Sisters and even of myself as I move forward in my seventh decade of life, hoping to persevere and desiring a longer life to learn the lessons that life will teach me. There is so much that concerns us; who would not want to “stay in the fray” of service? Of course, there is a moment when each of us needs to recognize the necessity of letting go when our bodies tell us it is time. Some thought that John Paul II stayed too long; only the Pope himself would have the answer to that decision.

In 1999, six years before his death, he wrote a “Letter to the Elderly” in which he spoke very personally about his own aging and suffering. The letter ends with the following prayer which I quote here in its entirety in the hope that it will comfort some (young or old) who adopt it as a daily prayer.

Grant, O Lord of Life, that we may…savor every season of our lives as a gift filled with promise for the future. Grant that we may lovingly accept your will, and place ourselves each day in your merciful hands. And when the moment of our definitive ‘passage’ comes, grant that we may face it with serenity, without regret for what we shall leave behind. For in meeting you, after having sought you for so long, we shall find once more every authentic good which we have known here on earth, in the company of all who have gone before us marked with the sign of faith and hope. Mary, Mother of pilgrim humanity, pray for us, ‘now and at the hour of our death.’ Keep us ever close to Jesus, your beloved Son and our brother, the Lord of life and glory. Amen.

Our Sister Catherine

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aging, living, Sister Catherine Schuyler, Sisters of St. Joseph, The Sophia Center for Spirituality

Our eldest Sister died yesterday. Sister Catherine Schuyler was 107 years old. We were preparing to celebrate next month her 85 years as a Sister of St. Joseph. In my mind’s eye and ears I can hear the uproar of cheers that would have erupted to accompany her up the aisle of our grand chapel to celebrate her life and thank her for the example she offered of steadfastness and joy.

My favorite story about Catherine is the way she chose to celebrate what I believe was her 97th birthday. She loved the Adirondacks and chose to live among those mountains in her “older age.” Urban legend tells that she climbed a mountain on that birthday “because she could!” (Her words, as the story goes.) What an example of living until you die! And she lived after that for another decade. I can easily bring her wonderful smile to mind. How happy she must be now to know the beatific vision that smiles back at her in heaven.

“Fly with the angels, Catherine! You will live on in our hearts,” said the announcement to us of her passing yesterday. And so she surely does already, and so she will remain.

That’s Life!

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aging, capable, grace, life, Meg Wheatley, opportunities, partner, perseverance, relax, surrender, The Sophia Center for Spirituality, trust, wisdom

I’ve been engaged in a number of conversations lately where the topic has been the need to let go of what we can’t control – like the weather and the march of time (specifically our aging process). This morning I opened Meg Wheatley’s little book, Perseverance, to a page called “Life Is Life” and found there some words worth my time and reflection. Perhaps we can all benefit from her wisdom.

Instead of working so hard to actively construct our lives, we could relax with the opportunities that life provides, both the good and the bad ones. People who have this type of relationship with life truly are more relaxed. The seeming loss of control doesn’t create anxiety or feelings of distress. It does the reverse, it creates feelings of ease and clarity – and the capacity to stay.

Surrendering to life offers some wonderful realizations. We learn we’re capable of being in this dance, of working with whatever happens. We learn to trust ourselves and then others and, gradually, we learn that life itself can be trusted.

The grace of surrender offers us the awareness that life is on our side, that life is our partner. Whatever may be happening in our private worlds, inside the noise and disturbance, a lovely realization dawns. 

Life wants us here. (p. 117)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Rest of the Story

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aging, destiny, feed my lambs, feed my sheep, future, Jesus, John, love, Peter, tender, The Sophia Center for Spirituality, wisdom

On Friday I had a conversation with a friend about aging and the unexpected shifts in relationships that are occasioned by the fact that people are living longer now. It was one of those times when we could have said, “If I knew then what I know now…” as we mused on the choices that life had presented us. As it was not a deeply serious exchange, however, we were rather commenting on the idiosyncrasies that we notice both in ourselves and in our loved ones that didn’t appear (or weren’t there!) earlier in our lives. Our conclusion was that love covers a multitude and we’re both lucky to have people who love us!

Today’s gospel offers two choices for reflection on the same text that I mentioned yesterday – the one I like to call “breakfast on the beach.” Presiders may take chapter 21 of John to verse 19 or, if this seems too long a story for the faithful, may stop at verse 14 when breakfast is served. I find it unfortunate for that to happen if the only hearing of this tract is in church this morning because verses 15 to 19 tell of Jesus asking Peter three times if Peter loves him. I can imagine myself as Peter in that situation wondering first why Jesus was asking at all but then remembering the horrific story of my denial on the evening of his arrest. By the time he got to the third repetition, however, I would probably be frustrated and wondering why he was humiliating me that way since it was not at all like him!

What point was Jesus trying to make in that moment? Precisely, I think, that we do not know what is to come later in life and occasionally we do need to assess what has been happening and recommit to whatever the future may bring to us. I feel Jesus as very tender in that moment, loving Peter more than he could ask or imagine and wanting Peter to know how special he was. The charge he gives him (“Feed my lambs; feed my sheep”) is not an easy destiny. Peter, the impulsive one who loved so much, would need to remember this moment in the most dangerous and difficult situations in the future. And he would prove himself equal to the task.

Perhaps today is a day to hear that question of Jesus: “Lois, do you love me?” (not just once but three times for emphasis). Looking back and looking forward, may we all echo Peter who said with total certainty, “Yes, Lord, you know all things. You know that I love you.” And in that answer, may we again walk confidently into life.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Long View

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aging, disciples, elders, golden years, gratitude, Jesus, John, Peter, sandwich generation, The Sophia Center for Spirituality

My favorite post-resurrection story in John’s gospel is what I call “breakfast on the beach.” (JN 21) It’s the one that finds the disciples having fished all night long and caught nothing. Jesus appears and calls out to them from the shore to cast their nets to the other side for a catch. Although they don’t recognize that it’s Jesus making this suggestion and they do mention that they’ve been at it all night, they actually do what he asks! As soon as they do and have a great number of fish in the net Peter yells, “It is the Lord!” and jumps out of the boat to get to him as fast as possible. Then Jesus cooks breakfast for them – as if all is right with the world. I like that part because it makes Jesus seem so human, seeking out his friends and wanting to feed them with food and love. But that’s not the end of the story.

Today’s selection is JN 21:15-19 which follows the meal. Jesus starts asking Peter, “Do you love me?” He asks three times even though Peter gives the right answer on the first try. “Yes, I do.” By the third time Peter is wondering what this game is about and says  in a rather frustrated voice, “You know everything! You know I love you!” Jesus has been indicating that this is more than a game as each time Peter answers he tells him to “feed my sheep” – actually what he has just done in cooking breakfast – but obviously something more serious than feeding the physical body. This is the part that holds a lesson for us and gets more real for me with every passing year. Jesus says to Peter, “When you were younger, you used to dress yourself and go where you wanted; but when you grow old, you will stretch out your hands and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go.”

There are two ways in which this statement is significant for me. We live in a time when we are living longer and often are alive because of the advances in medical science. Some of us are part of the “sandwich generation” – taking care of children or grandchildren as well as our aged parents, dressing and feeding and otherwise spending ourselves in love for them. It isn’t easy but can be incredibly rewarding. At the same time, those of us in the middle of the sandwich are feeling our own aging process and need to “stretch out our arms” in surrender to what we know as diminishment of our capacities, both physical and otherwise. That can sometimes be more difficult than caring for others, since it involves giving up of control. We, in the United States, find it hard to admit advancing age because we are bombarded with products that will erase our wrinkles, dye our hair and restore bone growth assuring us that we can resist the onset of old age. Eventually we must look deeper for a solution and learn from those cultures who revere the wisdom of the old, celebrating the wrinkles and finding strength in acceptance.

Today my prayer will focus on gratitude for those elders who have given me good example of growing old gracefully and on willingness to accept the lessons that are coming to me in what I hope to call my “golden years” even though they are accompanied by challenges that I would rather not face.

What’s My Line?

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aging, Antony of Egypt, centenarians, Don't judge a book by it's cover, family, Hebrews, Jesus, Levi, long life, Lord, loved ones, Mark, monastic life, obituaries, psalm, spirit, Spirit and life, tax collector, The Sophia Center for Spirituality

Having lived and ministered in the same area for 43 years I have come to know many individuals and families so I have made it a practice to read the obituaries each morning as a practice of remembrance and prayer. It seems lately that there are more long-lived people – centenarians even – who appear along with others tragically taken “before their time.” Often, when I read the entire entry of someone I recognize, I learn many things about lives that only touched mine as students or parishioners – interesting things about their occupations or other activities. The most common theme, regardless of age, is their love for their families and how their presence will be missed.

This morning the gospel of Mark continues the recitation of the call of the disciples but this time Jesus is not tapping fishermen for his followers but rather someone of unseemly credentials: the tax collector, Levi. It seems Jesus wants to prove a point, i.e. “Don’t judge a book by it’s cover.” As if that were not enough to ponder, the saint of the day is Antony of Egypt, a man who lived from the year 251 to 356! Yes, you read it correctly. He was 105 years old when he died in the 4th century! That’s certainly a good advertisement for the solitary life since Antony left the noisy, busy city life of Egypt for the desert around age 20 and is credited with much of early eremitic monastic development; many men (and women!) gathered in cells around Antony’s cave, influenced by his holiness.

Perhaps I’m stretching a point to think there is a connection in all this – long life or not, different occupations…but for me, it makes sense as I read this morning’s psalm refrain: Your words, O Lord, are Spirit and life!”  We all hear God’s word in a particular way and, if listening deeply, find it to be “living and active” (HEB 4:12). Whether it leads to a busy life or the silence of a cave, and whether we are given long life or just a few short years, the call is ours. It may grow in us slowly or take us by surprise but, once heard, it must be followed all the way home.

A Good Hair Day

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aging, God, hair, Jesus, The Sophia Center for Spirituality

There are many trials of growing older – although, as I see it, the benefits outweigh the distresses. One of the small concerns that isn’t always noticeable because it happens daily for some in very small increments is the thinning of one’s hair. I remember when I was a child that my mother often used her thinning shears on my hair in the process of cutting it. I long for those days of thick (and dark) locks – although I’m not really complaining as I still have a decent head of hair. I am sure though that I am exhibit A for the studies that say women lose at least 50% of their hair as they age. While my brush and my dust cloth are better witnesses than I to this truth, I occasionally lament my loss to my hairdresser.

What does all this have to do with my spiritual life? Well, I suppose there are applications to letting go and surrender – practices that are important to me every day – but the gospel this morning is about something else. Jesus is admonishing his disciples to be confident as they go out to preach because, even in the midst of opposition, God will protect them. He speaks of sparrows – two of them sold for a small coin. Even they, he says, do not escape the notice of God. Then he says, “So do not be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.” That’s comforting certainly, but the line that he slips in the middle of the bird example is what caught me this morning. Even all the hairs of your head are counted,” he tells them.

So today, especially as I brush my hair, I will think about how much and how often (even when I don’t notice) God thinks of me, cares for me and loves me – probably even to the moon and back!