I was listening to a program last night on my computer about “re-writing our own life script.” During the call-in portion the speaker, John Newton, asked the caller how it would feel to live in a place of “not knowing.” What would that feel like? I found the question rather interesting because I didn’t react negatively to it! Usually my first thoughts upon waking in the morning find me running through my schedule for the day (after I am focused enough to even know what day it is!) in order to know how quickly I have to move, whether I have had enough sleep to meet the challenges of the day and how much of my incidental agenda I will be able to fit in between appointments and meetings or whatever has been previously scheduled.
As I listened to John’s question repeated and tried to answer honestly for myself, I realized that I am gradually coming to a place of willingness to let go of my agenda in order to appreciate and respond to the moment I am in rather than what has already happened or has not yet arrived. This made me happy since I have been practicing letting go of thoughts in centering prayer for over ten years!
I still ran my daily schedule tape this morning as I came awake, but I was also glad for the words of the psalmist as I read Psalm 139 which allowed me to give over the day to God. Perhaps you might do the same.
O Lord, you have probed me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I stand; you understand my thoughts from afar. My journeys and my rest you scrutinize; with all my ways you are familiar. Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O Lord, you know the whole of it. Behind me and before, you hem me in and rest your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; too lofty for me to attain…
…and so I just give over the need of knowing everything and breathe in the conviction that God is God and I am not.